Honest Trailers - Hey Arnold!
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: Here is a farcical take on one of the most beloved Nicktoons. I don't own Screen Junkies or even Honest Trailers. But tune in to their channel.


The video starts with screenshots showing people requesting of this video to happen and the typical Honest Trailer title card. With that, the video kicks off with the opening spiel from the epic voice guy: " **At a time when Nickelodeon becomes the home of unique, outrageous and wacky cartoons that you loved since childhood…** " Then clips from _Ren & Stimpy_, _Rocko's Modern Life_ and _Rugrats_ are shown. "… **relive the cartoon that is neither unique, nor outrageous, nor wacky, but it sure is more relatable to kids.** _ **Hey Arnold!**_ "

The video then kicks off: " **Before you wait for the release of** _ **The Jungle Movie**_ **, which you would probably not be able to catch after Thanksgiving Day football, find once again going through the simple slice-of-life stories on the shoes of this young boy with a football-shaped head that would probably look creepy when translated to real life.** " Just to imply that point, a uncanny photo showing Arnold in real life is displayed. The epic voice then jitters in revulsion.

" **Meet Arnold, your average kilt-wearing kid, whose adventurous parents abandon him to go on an exotic mission in the jungle, in favor to live with his more or less adventurous grandparents and stay at their less exotic boarding house that apparently survived the American Revolution…** " A clip from the Tomato Incident is shown. " **…the American Civil War…** " Then, a clip of Grandpa telling Arnold of war stories is shown. " **…and the urbanization of their entire town.** " Finally, the video flashes a present-day photo of the boarding house.

" **Watch as Arnold jumps from situation to situation, with the assistance of his token black friend Gerald, the Stephen King of urban legends…** " To emphasize that point, a clip is previewed showing Gerald telling urban legends. " **…and also the Stephen King for those scared of them.** " Similarly, a montage is shown about Gerald being scared at situations.

The epic voice guy then goes on with the rest of his lines, " **Witness as he, along with his best friend, will help others in dastardly situation to do what they are supposed to do. But somehow gets picked on by his own grandparents, by his own boarders, by his own neighbors, by his own best friend and by his ultimate bully, Helga, the town's most notorious stalker.** "

" **Witness as one of Nickelodeon's signature tough girl bullies…** " Then, the video shows a collage of Nickelodeon mean girls like Cindy Vortex, Amanda Killman, Ronnie Anne Santiago and Sandy Cheeks. " **…take immeasurable ways to humiliate the main male protagonist by challenging him in front of other people, scolding at him on public places, becoming his lab partner in order to outsmart him, and getting closer to him as much as possible, even if when it means getting any DNA sample of him.** " After declaring those lines, the narrator emphasizes, " **Because, lo and behold, she secretly loves him.** " If that's not enough, the video shows a clip from _Hey Arnold! The_ _Movie_ , on the part where Helga confesses her feelings to Arnold. With that, he reacts to this: " **Yep, I may dig that better if** _ **Amelie**_ **hadn't done that more apparent.** " Then, a montage of clips from the French masterpiece _Amelie_ is shown.

" **But it's not just Arnold, Gerald and Helga. There are other characters who we most likely forgot and needed the wikia to recall their back stories…** "

The epic voice guy then relays some supporting characters from the _Hey Arnold_! Pantheon, along with accompaniment clips.

"… **like Phoebe, the know-it-all who seeks for recognition, including when being courted by Gerald and farting onstage…** "

"… **Harold, the one-dimensional bully who, in the course of the series, transformed to a one-dimensional wimpy kid…** "

"… **Sid, the only kid who wears Beatle boots…** "

"… **Stinky, the once-threatening bully, reformed as a thought-provoking Southerner and soda endorser…"**

"… **Rhonda, the social climber whose ultimate purpose is sass…** "

"… **Eugene, the accident-prone clog dancer whose medical bills probably spurred high because of countless accidents…** "

"… **Nadine, the…black girl and sidekick to Rhonda…** "

"… **Curly, who is most likely to grow up as a sociopath…** "

"… **Lila, the obviously nice girl who is no match for Helga…** "

"… **two replaceable homeroom teachers…** " He is actually referring to Ms. Lovak and Mr. Simmons.

"… **these temper-ridden clerks…** " He is referring to Mr. Green, Mrs. Votello and the Jolly Olly Man.

"… **and lots of wacky characters that you most likely remember if you watch the show.** "

But before he finishes that segment, the epic voice guy reminds this, " **Just don't remember Iggy. No one needs to remember Iggy.** "

" **If you think this show is just for kids, get ready for hearts to be tugged when you get through subplots like Arnold being neglected but not sure if forgotten by his parents, Gerald being neglected but not entirely forgotten by his parents, Helga being neglected but almost forgotten by her own parents, and other people being neglected by their own parents in different circumstances.** " As the course of the video has just gone darker, the narrator segues to this: " **And if you think that is dark for a kids show, they also throw in a** _ **Godfather**_ **parody, just for good measure.** " Then, he sarcastically remarks this, " **You know, for kids.** "

Still, he goes on to the final spiel: " **So settle in for one of the most beloved Nicktoons out there, who offer such poignant, down-to-earth stories that were probably stolen from beloved John Hughes movies, that also delivered a mediocre theatrical movie. But you would not mind because you got invested on the adventures, the romance and the heartwarming tales of friendship and family. Just don't remember Iggy. No one needs to remember Iggy.** " That is before he goes to the best part of every Honest Trailer.

" **Starring:**

 **Riggs and Murtaugh (Arnold and Gerald)**

" **Helga! Hellllga! The dream isn't over!" (Helga)**

 **Hibbert (Grandpa Phil)**

 **Bette Midler (Grandma Gertie)**

 **Puh-how-beh Hee-yer-dal (Phoebe Heyerdahl)**

 **Buford, a Jewish bully? (Harold)**

 **Limp Bizkid (Sid)**

 **Elf Nose (Stinky)**

 **Rhonda Rousey (Rhonda)**

 **Jack McBrayer (Eugene)**

 **Hurly (Curly)**

 **Wendy's (Lila)**

 **Miss Slovak (Ms. Lovak)**

 **Mr. Agent Coulson (Mr. Simmons)**

 **Coach John Belushi (Coach Wittenberg)**

 **The Three Foreign Stooges (Mr. Potts, Mr. Hyunh and Mr. Kokoschka)**

 **Waddles (Abner the Pig)**

 **Yertle Turtle (Thunder the Turtle)**

 **The Arnold Cinematic Universe (Monkey Man, Pigeon Man, Jolly Olly Man, Big Bob and Arnold in a karate robe)**

 **And The Will They-Won't They (Arnold x Helga)** "

Finishing that segment, the epic voice narrator dictates the Honest title: " _ **Mister Shortman's Neighborhood**_ "

But before he can finish the video, he give his final thoughts, " **So wait, that's not a kilt? And just a long plaid button-up shirt? Man, for an average kid, you sure dress like a dweeb.** "


End file.
